It was the longest 30 days of my life. Knowing he had the ring, waiting for him to find the right time to ask me to be his wife. He needed to find the right time, and there wasn’t anything I could do to hasten that day. I loved him. He loved me. He loved …
Author Archives: Melissa
PEACE FOR THE PRESENT
I remember as a girl I’d sit with my dad and our radio tuned to AM stations. It was late at night when interference was minimal and we could hear stations from places far away. Something about the clarity and the airwaves allowed us to receive signals from places we couldn’t during other times. It …
LISTEN
Nothing. Sit down next to her. Listen. Let her speak. The words will tumble out, she’ll change subjects and begin all over again. If she chose you, remember how special that is. She chose you to listen to her heart, her sorrows, her joys, her life. It’s perhaps the greatest gift of all. That she …
UNTIL DEATH
Twenty years ago he slipped a modest diamond solitaire on my finger. I was twenty-two, he was twenty-three. It was drizzling out, just like it had on the day I stepped up to give my speech at seventeen. We had next to nothing, but yet we had more than anything. I had no idea what …
FLOATING
Spoiler alert: It’s not true. You know how everyone says the first year of widowhood is the hardest? Usually said by those who have zero idea what losing a spouse feels like because losing a spouse is something they’ve never faced. While everyone is different, and so many factors such as the manner of death, …
💙ALWAYS💙
My home is rarely quiet. Five kids makes Amazon Prime worth the gallon-size jug of earplugs I have on continual re-order. It’s controlled chaos minus the control. You’d think the kids would pipe down already and cut their widowed mom a break every so often. Nope. In fact, at this very moment, I’m sure there’s …
SACRED GRIEF
He slipped the ring on my finger, and our family was born. My time of being unmarried had ended. Our five children ushered early parenthood with sleepless nights and a dedicated commitment to each other, to our little ones. And in 2013, cancer visited us, and we embarked on a journey that lasted 5 years …
FEAR CAN’T
photo credit: Christina Endo Fear is a liar. Fear tells you that you’re not good enough, when you are. Fear tells you that you can’t, when you can. Fear tells you to step back, when you step forward. Fear is a liar. Fear takes all your insecurities, runs them through the wash, and presents them …
AN EXCEPTIONAL LONELINESS
The single thing I feared prior to cancer and widowhood was mediocrity. I’ve always had an intense drive to stand out. Why have one job when you can have three? Why not start a family during law school instead of waiting until school is over and you’ve passed the bar exam? Why stop at two …
BLURRY
You’re getting blurry. I can barely hear your voice. I can’t remember your touch. You’re fading away even though you’re already gone. I’ve gotten used to sleeping in our bed alone. Coming home to an empty house. Waking up alone. You’re gone, my eyes tell me. But you’re still here, says my heart. I grieve …