I remember in my seventh grade science class we learned how fast our nervous system relays pain signals. The instant we touch a hot stove is the instant we pull back. Our bodies are hard-wired to avoid pain. We strive to survive. But what if we flipped that upside down and consciously chose to stay …
Author Archives: Melissa
TOGETHER💙
If I had to do it all over again. I’m constantly amused at the shocked looks on people’s faces when I tell them I never wanted to have kids. Or get married for that matter. All I wanted was what we never had. I wanted fancy things and lawyerly notoriety. I saw what went into …
I’M JUST ME
I don’t think I’ve properly introduced myself yet. I’m Melissa. Widow. Mother of five children. I work in higher education and the legal profession. My standard introduction. These labels simply relay, in the most efficient manner, my marital status, whether I’ve had children and how many, and what I do for work. There’s so much …
JUST LISTEN
I know that I cannot take away your pain… But I can sit beside you for as long as you need. We widowed get lots of well-meaning advice. Most from non-widowed people. It’s natural to want to “fix” things, and to offer advice. But here’s my advice. Do not give advice. Just don’t. Why? Because …
I’M FINE
I’m fine. At least that’s what most people think. The truth is I’m not fine. Witnessing cancer and death does a number on you. So much so, that every single widowed person I’ve spoken with agrees with this — we would never wish this on our worst enemy. Watching the slow etching away of a …
PROUD OF YOU
We say this to our kids. We say it to our friends. I think it’s time someone said it to you. Yeah, you. I’m proud of you for stepping forward. Stepping out. Stepping up. For all the difficulty that’s been thrown your way, for all the times you’ve gotten out of bed when you didn’t …
SOMETHING. ANYTHING.
Holidays. People either love them or loathe them. Rarely have I seen ambivalence or neutrality. For the widowed it’s a clear reminder of life and of death. Glad to have lived to see another Christmas, yet yearning for our spouse or loved one to share it with us. And a gut-wrenching reminder that they never …
AN END IS ONLY AN END WHEN A NEW BEGINNING IS JUST AHEAD
Seasons change. Things you once loved end. And new beginnings emerge. When I teach my Criminal Law & Procedure students about the right against self-incrimination (cue up the lawyer TV shows depicting law enforcement reading someone their Miranda rights), I often say that a yes is not a yes unless the person knows they can …
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OPEN IT
Death. The loss of a beloved person. Spouse. Friend. Relative. Anyone who held a piece of your heart. But what we really lose, especially when losing the one you had built a life and expected to grow old with, is far more than the person. Finishing up a workday, I pick up my phone to …
BE BETTER
So many regrets. We all have them. We all wish we could go back and unsay things we’ve said. Undo things we’ve done. But that would mean unliving our life as we have lived it. For all the things we’ve done, from the not-so-terrible to the downright awful, those things make us…us. So it is …