When I’d introduce myself to friends, the first thing I’d think to share about myself, after my name, was my marital status.
Like everyone needed to know that I was widowed. But it was me. For a time, it was my entire identity.
Until recently.
Sometime in the first year after his passing I bought a black diamond eternity band. A widow’s ring of sorts. I wore it faithfully and derived strength from this physical reminder of what I had endured over the past 7 years.
Then I saw this beautiful ring. I spent an entire $10 on this brand new ring that I knew would replace my widow’s ring.
Soon after the 2 year mark, I noticed I no longer wished to let the whole world know that I was widowed. Instead of it being my primary identity, it started to slip. My name, my children, my profession, where I live and what I love became first.
Widowhood began to drop.
And a new page turned to reveal a new Melissa marked outwardly by a new ring.
At first I wondered if I needed to remain in the black hole of death, I felt guilty for moving out and moving on. Mustn’t black clothe my heart and my outlook until another husband rolled in?
As I put one foot in front of the other, one thought came in front of the the other.
And my identity as primarily a widow died on that Sunday.
I wish I could say I never cry anymore. That I never miss my late husband so much it hurts. That I don’t feel the searing pain of loss and loneliness.
I do.
But it just doesn’t define me in the way it used to.
So, hello world.
I’m Melissa. Mother to five amazing children. I’m a lawyer and an educator. I run and I climb.
Oh…and I’m a widow.
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