I just finished reading a book written by Christopher Zoukis, an inmate and author of “Federal Prison Handbook: A Definitive Guide to Surviving the Federal Bureau of Prisons.”
Strange book for the average civilian, but for a curious lawyer, it’s par for the course.
It was a fascinating read that detailed just about everything one needs to know when the gavel slams and the cuffs are on and you’re aboard one of those metal-barred buses with PRISON BOUND written in blinking neon green on the side.
So I thought I’d write the same on widowhood. Something I wish I knew as I navigated through the first year post-loss.
You’ll get sick. I mean physically sick. For some reason, your body decides to go on a scavenger hunt for every virus or bacteria on planet Earth. Stock up on orange juice and make a standing appointment with your physician because they’ll know you better than you know yourself after a few rounds. And while you’re at it, buy stock in every pharmaceutical company as their sales will mysteriously spike in the first year following your loved one’s death.
Comparisons. I love these. People will compare their divorce to your death. They’ll compare the loss of their grandfather to the loss of your spouse. All meant well, but I’m guessing you aren’t sleeping with grandpa. And having written a trillion custody agreements, unless I dig up my husband, I have my kids 24/7. My all-time favorite is someone who compared the loss of my husband to losing their cat. No. Just no.
People will bombard you for about a week, then disappear. He’s dead, right? What more do you need? When it starts to sink in, when the need is the greatest, they’re on to the next great tragedy.
Not everyone leaves, but a great portion do. The ones who stay are the ones who are more valuable than the Hope diamond. Even better are the ones who show up having known you for two whole minutes and cry with you, listen to you, and somehow make it better for that moment. It’s an epic shift that results in the most beautiful people arriving front and center to support you.
My all-time favorite is this – simple, scientific, and you can count on this to happen every single day, no matter what.
The sun rises.
Each day, no matter where you are, how you feel, whether you get out of bed that day, or cry til dinner, the sun will always rise again.
And somehow, in a way I can’t explain, one day the sun starts to rise in your heart. 💙
#laughterafterdeath ##lookingintherearviewmirror #itsme #lifebeginsnow