Slugging down Diet Coke like it’s going out of style. Eating my kids’ cereal straight out of the box.
Yeah. It was that kind of a day.
Things like knowing our club that no one ever wanted to be a part of, grew by yet another, haunt me.
Every time I hear someone has lost a spouse, someone who now checks the box “widowed” triggers a plethora of emotions.
Logic, the fuel that powers this girl, is as useful as a playing fetch with a pet rock. I try to make sense of someone’s passing. Extracting some cause-and-effect. That one action leads naturally to another.
That makes sense.
What doesn’t make sense is a death that no one saw coming. A diagnosis that comes out of nowhere. No cause. No nothing.
Our entire lives are built upon expecting an outcome. I work hard, I make a little more. My daughter studies, she receives a great grade. My sons practice, they become better players.
We work so hard to prevent death, yet it still shows up at our doorstep when we’ve just drawn a bath and poured a glass of wine. When our littlest had finally begun sleeping through the night or we’d at last reached retirement and were ready to enjoy the life that’s now gone.
I’m working on knowing that I’ll never know. Understanding what I’ll never understand. Making sense of something that will never make sense.
It’s difficult to turn off the thoughts and let go.
And hold life with an open hand. 💙
#laughterafterdeath ##lookingintherearviewmirror #itsme #lifebeginsnow