TOGETHER 💙

I need to talk, my message said. I’m struggling today.

Without hesitation, and without knowing anything but my friend’s name and how long ago she passed, I talked. I cried. The hurricane of emotions came, and he listened.

I’m here, he said. I’ll stay with you for as long as you need.

For so many years I questioned what I’d done to watch my husband die such a horrid death. For my children to see their daddy unwell more times than he was well.

And at that time – and so many times after – I questioned what I did to deserve the person on the other end of the line reassuring me that I was not alone. That he or she would stay, listen openly to all that tumbled out, and give me the very best gift of all. Time.

We’d all been thrown into this alternate universe that is life after death. Yet here we were, having watched our spouses be swept away.  Left with only memories.

I didn’t know him. He didn’t know me.  Yet he knew me. The me that I never wanted to be.

As a lawyer, time is money, and the clients know that. Their calls and emails get straight to the point.

And as a widow, we may not know our dear friend’s favorite color, middle name, or even what they do for work, yet we know some of each other’s deepest sorrows. Regrets. Struggles that are shared in the middle of shed and shared tears. We long to grab each other’s hand and bring them close, hold them tightly. 

It’s an immediate connection that is as deep as the ocean and as soothing as a cool drink of water on a hot summer day. It’s an understanding and openness that one would expect of childhood friends.

What brings us together isn’t the shared experience of passing time, but of the passing of our loved one. It’s the instant and immediate feeling of safety and gratitude. Zero judgment and zero suprises. It’s falling into the arms of one you feel you’ve known all along yet have just met.

We march forward, arm in arm, knowing that when one falls there is another with an outstretched hand ready to lift you back to your feet. To walk together again, steady and surely.

I would not wish this life of death upon anyone. But in the mist of it all, I look up with gratitude, knowing that I’ve never been alone.

And I never will be. 💙

#laughterafterdeath #lookingintherearviewmirror #itsme #lifebeginsnow