FIERCE

Five kids. Widowed. Unlovable. And certainly un-dateable.  Carrying more baggage than an airborne 747. 

Or so I thought.

It took me a good long time and a hard look in the mirror to see things differently.

Yes, I am a widow. But behind that is a woman who had an 18-year marriage, ended only by death. It was far from perfect, but we did it. And in the process learned how to love deeply, selflessly, and sacrificially.

I loved making his favorites and savored the simple joy of sharing a meal. I learned to listen when he needed to talk. I learned how to communicate my needs and desires. I learned how to resolve some pretty big issues. I stayed when I wanted to leave. I made good on my promise until death parted us. 

My children. All five of them taught me that my heart has endless capacity to love. I learned to live without sleep, teach honesty and kindness, and walk with them through the death of their father. I paused my career to be with them, choosing to wipe little tushies over practicing law.

I learned to care for a sick child, and I learned to care for a very sick man. I watched him breathe his last, and I learned how to parent alone.

Everything that I thought made me undesirable is anything but. It’s been a rough road, but I’m getting polished and shiny.  My experience as a wife, mother, and widow isn’t baggage at all. lt’s a steel suitcase full of wisdom, maturity, knowledge, and a hefty dose of fortitude. The woman looking back at me in the mirror isn’t an unlovable, weak, frail woman. It’s a woman who had risen from ashes.

A woman who, dare I say, is fierce. 💙

#laughterafterdeath #lookingintherearviewmirror #wanderingwidow #itsme #lifebeginsnow